I’m really bad at responding to texts/answering phone calls. Then when I see the person, they ask “why didn’t you answer my phone call?” “…I never got it…” I don’t like talking on the phone and I don’t really like texting.
volonta: katie holmes and tom cruise are getting a divorce adele is knocked up what a stressful day
If you love somebody, tell him tomorrow.– Lovers on the Bridge (2001)
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, and don’t put up with people that...– Kurt Vonnegut
Eating a healthy diet is so hard when I open the fridge and see a fresh two liter of dr pepper, a jar of pickles, and everything else that isn’t good for you. I just want cheesecake. That’s all I want.
a dramatic re-enactment of my thoughts while...
me: that's not quite hot enough let me just turn it up to boiling lava.
me: yes good i shall bathe in the waters of mordor.
me: why do we have like 25 different kinds of shampoo?
me: i'ma read the back of this.
me: lather, rinse, repeat?
me: why do i have to repeat is your product so shitty it didn't work the first time?
me: hold the fuck up i have to write fanfic in my head real quick.
me: if water is a renewable resource does that mean every celebrity i've ever loved has showered in this same water before?
me: but you didn't have to CUT ME OFF.
me: did i already wash my hair?
me: i think i did but i don't remember.
me: i'ma do it again.
me: FUCK I REPEATED.
me: well played, pantene pro-v.
me: i wonder what it's like to have sex in the shower.
me: i bet it's awkward.
me: i bet a lot of injuries happen that way.
me: okay time to get out.
me: where the fuck is my towel.
I love kids and all, but lord have mercy I don’t think I’ll have any. I get way too nervous over EVERYTHING. I have the nerves of an old lady. I’m watching twin eight year olds and they are the LOUDEST things on earth. Every five minutes I have to say “SHHH”. Doesn’t work. Finally after a couple of hours I couldn’t take it anymore “FUCKING LISTEN...
Missing someone sucks.
Anonymous asked: autumninthefall I just messaged you, and this is crazy, but take the quick survey at TUMBLRBOT(.)NET - free gift card baby. Love, TumblrBot
And then I remember I'm no ones sweetheart
archiebunker: Honey pie Sugar plum Dear Baby Sweet pea Pumpkin